Let it Rock and Make Her Let it Go

Photo by George Coletrain on Unsplash

Start Stop Push Pull I Don’t Care What the Fuck You Call It Just Do It. What’s most important is you take your Ferrari racing at 200 mph on the romance highway you keep all distractions off the radar.

The funny thing is I’m not at all a ladies man. On the bell curve of introversion I land on the extreme right. No slight right, I’m so right I don’t even know what wrong means. That may be discouraging for you and you’d have the right to feel that way. I’m not a fuckboy (though I wanted to be) but I have let myself be a fucktoy because I didn’t understand the world, didn’t have enough self-esteem to understand it and I didn’t like it. Now it’s, fuck me and I’ll fuck you but not with my dick.

I’ve grown up. I save that for the woman that I truly love and respect and yes, I think woman are amazing. I’m not by the longest shot a misogynist. Just because I see, know and understand people have flaws does not mean I don’t respect them or identify with them.

No woman is perfect, but I believe all woman have a truly loving heart because I believe everybody does. When it comes to the loving heart, people just get derailed by fear. It’s not what I feel, what I think or what I believe. That’s the way it is. The bad boy jerks are actually just scared mammas boys.

I rarely come of off as misogynistic but if I do it’s because sometimes I zero in on what a woman needs and not what she wants. Sometimes that makes me a jerk. Coolio by me. Nice guys only get laid in Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan rom-coms. Are Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan together? Were they ever off screen?

Actually I’m not misogynistic at all and probably those that know me would laugh at the thought I would ever be viewed that way. I’m going by what’s going to be perceived by this writing and not actually is. Those laughing at me being misogynistic know what is and not what’s perceived. What’s your reality? Is it that’s what is real or is it that’s what is perceived?

So I started out on point and drifted and died into WTF is he talking about it. Here it goes. This applies to both women and men, but it plays a stronger role for women these days.

People, yes, again I’m most talking about woman having two pedals like a car. They have an accelerator and brake. Forget the clutch. I don’t know what it does and cars don’t have them anymore.

The problem with turning on women and keeping them going lit up like the northern lights isn’t hitting their accelerator. Most guys, or at least I hope most guys know what turns their woman on. But the truth is, knowing what turns your woman on is just the tiny visible piece where the true danger that sank the Titanic lay below the surface visible to no one. Yep, I said Titanic and I’m about to teach you what you need to get laid like Leo.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about all the mental hang ups and anxieties. Believe me, I’ve yet to meet a woman I can’t find beauty in, but that doesn’t mean she sees herself the same. You may be one of those lose lucky guys, and I do mean you are lucky and should kowtow to whatever god you believe in that has one of those high self-esteem women that demands you treat her properly and in return, she treats you like that lover you are. But the truth is those amazing few still get insecurity cold feet at times.

Even if you find one of those beyond aberrant amazing woman that’s not only tracked by NORAD and the CIA she isn’t perfect and she doesn’t believe she is. She may be stressed about work or being an adequate mother and by adequate she believes she almost has to be a groupie for her son’s garage band while helping her daughter find the perfect prom dress.

What you have to do is put the brakes on her anxieties. This isn’t placating her telling her everything will be fine. This is you making sure everything is fine. If she’s nervous about a certain part of her body, you tell her how love it so she isn’t thinking you’re afraid of braking her. This is taking the parts where she has insecurities and showing her how you revel in how amazing those imperfections are. Don’t lie, if they are imperfections to her that’s real. Every though exists because it is real t somebody and you aren’t trying to warp her into an unreality. This is a, “Baby, I just don’t care. I love the fuck out of what you may be nervous about.” Don’t make a big deal of it. That’s the point. It’s not a big deal. Getting her foot off the break is making her know this.

If she’s worried about a meeting the next day, to either minimize or maximize it, talk to her about what it actually is. It’s not insignificant so don’t make it out to be because it matters to her, so it matters to you. It’s not world war three and it’s not world war with me. It’s let’s snap up in sync style and relax. The funny thing here is orgasm is defined as the sudden and spontaneous release of sexual tension. Not funny? Well the funny part is that sexual tension can’t build unless she’s relaxed first. Otherwise it’s just tension. Not sexual tension and while they may sound synonymous they are far from being so.

This is going to sound nuts because I am in fact nuts, but I feel certain people are famous because they ‘get it’ and saying what needs said. In this case, I’m not going to make Nine Inch Nails comment like I normally do, I’m going to quote Bon Jovi because dude says what needs said in a way that’s more palatable than Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails fucking like animals. Ultimately I believe what Bon Jovi is saying the same as Reznor but one has love and one doesn’t. The song is, “Let it Rock,” appropriately from the Slippery When Wet album. Here are the lyrics,

“Let it rock (let it rock) let it go (let it go)
You can’t stop a fire burning out of control
Let it rock (let it rock) let it go (let it go)
You can’t stop a fire burning out of control
Let it rock (let it rock) let it go (let it go)
With the night you’re on the loose
Let it rock”

Sexy lyrics huh? Well we’re going to dive in a little deeper. Let’s look at, “You can’t stop a fire burning out of control.” Again, sexy. I know. Flaming hot with passion. In this instance, no, it’s not. That fire is that’s burning out of control is the kind when a fire flares up in the kitchen. It’s scary. It’s not fun at all and all though and while it results in adrenaline flowing through your veins and it’s not the sexy kind either. This isn’t the fire describing the smoldering mysterious woman in a dive bar that can only be described as smokey.

Here’s the thing, when you’re talking about a woman, you’re talking about trying to contain a fire, a wild animal. You just can’t do it. You’ve got to learn to push her where she needs to be pushed and put the brakes on where she’s doubting herself. You have to understand, in her head she’s saying, “He loves me, he loves me not.” If things are really sensitive she’s hearing the Bonny Rait Song, ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me,’ in her head. If you don’t know the song, Google it, do whatever you have it to. Just get it.

Yes, I have this song on my iPod so I know she does too. If she does, you need to understand it and what it means to her. No matter what you may feel for her and how you’d sell your soul for her, she’s only human. She’s no sure. Yes, like the Bon Jovi song, sometimes, you’ve got to let it rock, understand she has hang ups and help her let it roll. Learn to push her gas pedal but more importantly, help her ease up off the brake. This is what will make you into a dream lover.

Yes, it’s your job. It’s not hers. If you’re a man, it’s always your job. If you’re a woman, it’s always your job. What I’m really saying is, it’s always your job…man or woman. This may seem sexiest and I say this because I’m a man, its way more the man’s job. This is how I make myself accountable.

If things fly off the handle, maybe we both played a part. But I’d like to take ownership of the part I’ve played. Therefore, it’s not on you at all, it’s on me. If it really is on you, I need to have the self-esteem to say we need to part company.



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Andrew Foster

Andrew Foster

A student of love and relationships who likes to write about and teach what I’ve learned along the way