Kind Selftalk

Photo by Anastasiia Krutota on Unsplash

It’s so easy to be self-critical. It’s so easy to beat yourself up. Why do we want to do this? With so many others wanting to either blame us for their issues or take credit for our accomplishments why would we want to add to this? I’m sure you don’t want others punching you in the face so why would you give yourself a black eye?

If a friend were laid off from work or terminated would you tell them they were an awful employee or would you try to encourage them to get back on that horse, get out there and show the world how great of a worker they are? If a friend’s significant other told them they were no longer significant buzz off style, would you tell them their ex was right or would you try and build them back up? I’m guessing you would do the latter of the two in these instances. So why wouldn’t you extend that same curtesy to yourself?

They more you beat yourself up the more you believe it. It becomes like a mantra only a negative mantra. The longer and the more you do it, the harder it will be to break this super highway in your brain. If you wouldn’t dare talk that way to a friend in a negative way, why would you talk that way to yourself?

Where is a great place to start? Start thinking of others more. Start being kind and doing favors for even random strangers and see what it feels like to wear kindness pants. It will feel good and start rubbing off on you. When you pay attention and listen to the kind words you speak to others, you can then start to learn how to apply that same kindness and acts of generosity to yourself.

This actually will turn into a positive loop. The kinder you are to others, the more kind and generous you will be to yourself. The contrary is also true. The more kind you are to yourself the more kind and caring you will be to others. And yes, the old adage is true; you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself.

Buddhists believe in the concept of impermanence. Everything will come to an end; the good and the bad. With this kindness loop, we’re trying to make the bad stuff end more quickly. The longer you feed into and sustain negativity, the longer it will last. It will eventually end, but why not try and end it sooner rather than later.

I have no problem admitting this one has been hard for me. I had built up so many negative self-beliefs from years of negative self-talk it was really hard to start changing. I did make a conscious effort to stop negative self-talk. I’d have to keep it in the forefront of my mind because negative self-talk became such a habit. It took a long time to rewire my brain so as to not beat myself up at every mistake I’d made. Some things are not easy and are going to take a lot of work and building new routines and positive pathways in the brain is no different. But I promise you, this self-work that gives you self-worth is something you’ll never regret.




A student of life who likes to write about and teach I've learned a long the way

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Andrew Foster

Andrew Foster

A student of life who likes to write about and teach I've learned a long the way

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